I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
