I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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