shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was CRYING into my vagina
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
