I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize