I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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