I need to stop coming to work sober
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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