by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
