make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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