He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
