oh god the rape fog is back!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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