He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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