I will die if light touches me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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