wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
