so that wasnt chicken after all
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
