Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
