Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you. Go after that dick
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
