went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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