she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
