shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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