Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So squirting runs in the family.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
