after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
