i just wanna soil my oats bro
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
