sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
