I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
