We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
