Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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