the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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