Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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