they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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