I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MIDGETS
????
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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