How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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