Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
