I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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