ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
