who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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