You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
