last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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