Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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