hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
