Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
