i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
