no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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