I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize