we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
