Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
