I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
