Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
