I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
