His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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