i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
