You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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