I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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